Mistakes and doubts
Someone asked me a question the other day and trying to come up with an answer led me to some wild places mentally. The question sounds innocuous at first:
What has your biggest error been?
And the answer to that is a simple “I don't know”. Which I'd say is a normal and acceptable answer. Except, I think it's a terrible answer for me personally. I'm slowly coming to the realisation that doubt—when it comes to your life—is one of the worst things you can have to deal with. There's nothing I regret or consider a mistake because I don't really know if anything in my past was either a mistake or something worth regretting.
There are more than a few things I have doubts about. Plenty of questions, plenty of uncertainties. Both for my past and my future. I'd trade a doubt with a mistake any day. Because with a mistake you have certainty. You can deal with it, try to make amends. But with doubts, what can you do with those? Unsurprisingly, I don't know.
And there are numerous things I don't know. I'm not talking in general, I'm talking about my life specifically. Doubts about what to do with my time, doubts about what's worth pursuing, doubts about what a life worth living looks like. The only thing I know for certain is that life can be damn complicated.